When I was wee small, my grandparents would always say enjoy your youth because when you become an adult, time just flies. I find this proverb to be absolutely true. This weekend, I witnessed my brother, Samuel get married to his now, new wife Chanel. It felt like only a few weeks ago when I was in my brother’s room talking late into the night about what kind of people would we end up with, like how they were going to like, or what kind of personality would they have, and ect… and now he is a married man about to embark on a whole new life living the married life.
My mind has been on autopilot in the last few months, for survival purposes really. Now looking back this weekend was filled with sentiments. It was my brothers wedding and this is also the same weekend, last year when I met my boyfriend!!! Since I started grad school in the summer, I have been barely able to catch a break to reflect on everything that is going on. It only came to a full circle in my mind when I watched the childhood slideshow at the wedding banquet, and my eyeball gushed out a bunch of tears. See, before the wedding day, my brother had been staying in the same hotel room, with my parents and I. We got quite cozy. We were all doing our normal habits, cracking up to the same old jokes, and having our usual petty disputes. It just felt like home again.
When I watched the slideshows of his childhood, I could not believe how time had just crept up on us. It’s the weirdest feeling ever. I had these dual feelings waging a war inside of me. On one hand, I was beyond happy for his new beginning. Chanel is a perfect compliment for him. She is sweet, intelligent, and takes good care of him. She is not superficial and she has a heart that is so innocent and pure, a heart that I really admire in a woman. So of course, I am delighted that my brother has such a great woman by his side. On the other hand, during that slideshow it hit me that my mom and I were not the only women in his life. Like I said, I have been on autopilot for a while, so when I watched the slideshow all these emotions came at me from left and right. I almost felt like it was at that moment it was time to mentally pass the torch to Chanel, if that makes any sense.
See my brother, mom, and I are like the three musketeers. We lose all our mannerisms when were together. We have a bunch of inside jokes, many involving my mom. Like we even have inside words such as camel which means when any of us wants to talk we would camel each other’s personal space and most often fall asleep on that person’s bed as we talk all night long. We even have heated disagreements at times, and that is where my dad interjects, and plays mediator, usually with a joke that diffuses everything.
Sometimes my brother would ask me about the most random questions and I would try to figure it out for him, most often I find a way, just because it’s the sister in me. For example, he might ask me what’s the difference with cinnamon and nutmeg, or how to use a household appliance. We always send each other text about what our mom just did, and how she ought to have her own sitcom. Even though we have the funniest moments together, we also have these very deep talks about life. We share a lot of our dreams, aspirations, and some of the most honest thoughts to each other. This bond we have is pretty tight.
As I watched the slideshow, I had come to the realization, that my brother was going to build new slideshow moments with Chanel. It’s a beautiful thing really. It was time for him to branch off, and start a family on his own, and it might not always include me as selfish as that sounds.
If you are an eldest of your family, you may never understand these feelings but maybe your younger brother or sisters will understand these feeling when you get married. The best advice I can give to people who are marrying is to always show your undying affection towards your sibling. They are happy for you, trust me! Make sure they know that they are not losing you, but they are gaining a brother or sister in the process.
My brother had made many efforts to let me know that he loved me. He tried to take me out to eat several times, aware of my Western deprived diet. He asked me several times if he could bring me any special things from the US when he was coming to Hong Kong. During the trip, he handed me a $100 US bill (which translates to a lot of RMB) and told me to take care of myself in China. Despite that he probably will need that money, he was still thinking of me. He held my hand right before the ceremony when he got nervous right before Chanel was walking down the aisle. I know I am cheesy once again, but I do hold all these moments close to my heart.
Chanel, I am not sure if you’ll ever get a chance to read this post, but I am grateful for you to be part of my family. We have been talking about a person like you before he had even met you. I guess that is why my brother picked that song by Savage Garden, ” I knew I loved you,” in which the lyrics says that he knew he loved you even before he met you. I have never seen him so happy, and so himself. So to end this post, I happily pass you the torch as your new sister and I am sending you both a bunch of my blessings and my love.